Recently my roommate, two suite mates, and I started an actual game of Dungeons and Dragons, complete with an experienced DM (one of the suite mates) and REAL dice. The game became very interesting tonight, and I have decided to chronicle the adventure on Tumblr for my friends back home to read. This is the story.
The adventure opens on three companions: Lambert, a virtuous Dwarven fighter, who with his hefty but effective axe smashes and chops foes to pieces; Kohler, a keen evil Human wizard who serves as an invaluable asset during both combat and peacetime; and Me, a huge neutral Dragonborn paladin with cunning, charisma, and a razor sharp greatsword.
The companions’ first adventure begins with the discovery of a small village ruled over by a man known only as “The Leader”. The Leader discovers that we are looking for work, and directs us to a nearby village overrun with gnolls, with only one task and no special conditions: clear it out. And clear it out we shall.
Being the badasses we are we stroll into the gnoll village and right up to the first of six houses. We throw open the door and to our surprise, it appears to be empty. However, we see that the back wall has a porthole with a door that only opens from one side. Kohler makes the first move and calmly knocks on the porthole. We wait a moment, and the latch turns and the porthole begins to open. Without any hesitation, Kohler raises his hand and shoots searing flames through the porthole straight into the face of what turns out, luckily, to be a gnoll. At the same moment I slice through the thin wall and Lambert and I storm into the next room just in time to see the charred gnoll fall dead to the floor. We look up and see two other gnolls, who are too shocked to move. Lambert wastes no time in slaughtering the poor creatures, and realizes he has a taste for bloody decapitation. Soaked in their blood, he carves a single notch into his axe handle as a knoll’s dismembered head peers at us from the corner.
We move out of the cleared hut to the next, and once again we slaughter its residents. Another hut down, then another, until we come to the fourth hut. At my request, Lambert smashes one side of the fourth hut while I smash the other, bringing the hut crumbling to the ground. we sift quickly through the rubble, then smash the next hut, bringing the roof down on top of the three gnolls inside, killing them instantly. we loot the bodies, and then we prepare to take down the next and final hut. This time however, Lambert wants to try something special. He instructs Kohler to light the hut on fire, and he rolls to charge into the front of the hut and tackle a gnoll through the flaming wall in the back. he rolls a 1, a critical failure, and instead trips into the doorframe and lights himself on fire. I laugh as he retreats and I smash the flaming wall bringing it down on top of a gnoll. One escapes, and runs, flaming straight into me, and I whip my dick out and shove it so far down the creature’s throat that it dies. This will by far be one of my most outlandish kills, and we return to the Leader to claim our reward. We each recieve 100 gold, and we rest for the night. And that is the end of our first major battle.